(This post is Part 1 of a 5-Part Series titled Abundant Living. Be sure to sign up for my email list so you don’t miss the upcoming segments.)
How many times have we felt “less than” because our life doesn’t look like Sally’s? Or we’ve felt inferior because “keeping up with the Joneses” seems so unreachable for us?
I have most definitely struggled with perfectionism for years. And I mean YEARS. I could safely say for the majority of my life, I have really wrestled with people-pleasing, the need to look put-together at all times, never showing any sign of weakness, born from a fear of what others might think or say of me.
I think it’s fair to say all women struggle with this subject at times, and probably some more often than others. We feel this unspoken pressure to judge ourselves and others based on what we see on social media, Pinterest, Instagram, and any other platforms we flaunt our lives on!
This vicious cycle can leave us exhausted, worn out, even experiencing signs of anxiety and depression! Most importantly, we tend to lose ourselves in this endless rat race of “perfection” that, let’s face it: just doesn’t exist!
So, what’s the alternative? Do we just let ourselves go and not give a rip anymore?
Well, not exactly!
I’m here to share with you the hard truths about perfectionism I’ve discovered in 5 key areas of our lives as women, and share with you the encouragement and freedom you can find in letting go of the illusion of “the perfect life”!
(This post is Part 1 of a 5-Part Series titled Abundant Living. Get on my email list so you don’t miss out on the upcoming segments!)
- Part 1: Our Identity
The first, and honestly most important, of all these areas in which perfectionism shows up in our lives is that of our identity. Just look around society and it won’t take long to discover labels. Our culture has recently developed this need to “identify as” one thing or another. We’ve conveniently categorized everyone into certain groups and stations of life based on multiple specifications.
We are all categorized and identify differently within political, spiritual, and economic arenas, to name a few. Even within the category of woman or mother, society has birthed “sub-categories” if you will: crunchy mom, boss babe, trad wife, stay-at-home wife/mom, helicopter mom, the list goes on and on.
So what does this have to do with being perfect?
The question to consider about all these labels and categories around us is: “Who says?” Seriously, who has decided “that” was the standard? Who has laid the foundation for what a perfect woman, wife, mother, sister, employee, etc is supposed to look like? See, the reality is that these models being displayed and promoted for us are man-made standards, and therefore we feel pressure from the world in which we live to fit the criteria of the category in which we most identify.
But we don’t actually have to live with that pressure!
Let’s consider for a moment one of the most obvious cultural battles we face right now, that of which certain members of society are not only wanting to “identify as” a gender(or in some cases going as far as other species) different than that of which they were naturally born, but also attempting to force society to accept this false narrative, this make-believe world they have chosen.
Our identity is such an important factor into our emotional and mental health, and these drastic changes and shifts, this turning away of natural affairs, is such an obvious cry for help. A confused, perhaps emotionally abused or rejected classification of people searching for acceptance and approval by other individuals around them, other humans who also share emotions and feelings, and could somehow fill that void that’s been empty for too long.
Our world today has somehow gotten so far away from the Lord and His design for our lives, and in some cases, honestly just plain rejected Him, that we have now sought out or even invented our own vices to satisfy our longings, and make us feel complete. We strive in vain everyday to live up to standards or guidelines that have been set up by other flawed humans.
God has created each human being in His image, and Genesis 1-2 says that God saw everything He had made, and it was good! We are image-bearers of Christ, whether we believe in Him or not, so we don’t have to live under the bondage of man-made standards of “perfection”. God has made us exactly the way He wants us to be: our looks, our gender, our personality, our talents and abilities. He designed us perfectly, and for a purpose!
God has also designed us with a free will, as He doesn’t force His love and protection upon us, but rather offers it as a free gift. Sadly, that free will has caused mankind to also desire our own way of doing things instead of what God has originally designed for us. Because of our sin nature, and being creatures of this sin-cursed world, we often naturally reject God’s design, whether drastically or subtly, and invent our own standards instead.
I’ll just break this down plain and simple: these standards society has established are sinful, in the sense that it causes us to idealize, and even idolize, these categories and labels above God’s purpose and design for us.
You could say, “OK Sadie, I get it, but I’m not struggling with my “identity”. I know I’m a woman, I fully embrace that. So how am I sinning?” Great question!
Let’s think for a moment about some of these influencers we may follow on “the Gram” or Pinterest, the standards to which we hold ourselves or these people we long to emulate and pattern our lives after. We see these perfect Mamas baking sourdough bread, sewing all her own clothing, always has dinner ready and on the table when her hard-working, blue-collar husband comes home, her Reels always portray that “trad wife” lifestyle, that slower way of living, and we think, “AHH!!! I want that! That’s so beautiful and looks so calming and perfect!”
Then we stress and search for various ways that we can start making these changes in our own lives so we can be “one of those women” also, only to disappoint ourselves cause we “can’t do it”. The disappointment sets in when we determine we’re not “good enough” because we don’t meet those lofty standards of what we have decided is the “it” lifestyle. We haven’t arrived! How discouraging!
Although these are seemingly innocent cliches, truly good and wholesome things to strive for, the way it can quickly become sin in our lives is when we idolize them and hold ourselves to THESE standards instead of God’s. By placing our worth and identity in a certain “label” or category, we subconsciously then become fearful of or dependent on human opinion, and hold ourselves to these unreasonable or impossible standards of how society says we should live, speak, spend our time, etc.
But God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, took our flawed and foolish thinking into account when He made us, and lovingly provided a way through Jesus Christ’s death on the cross to “perfect” us, so that when we accept Christ’s gift of His shed blood to cover our sins, our human imperfections are washed clean by Christ’s blood. God then sees us as He sees Christ: spotless and perfect!
A “GLORY Hallelujah!!” goes right there!
Now you might be thinking, “Sadie, seriously! You’re saying it’s a sin to strive to be XYZ?” No, not at all! It’s not a sin to naturally fall into or desire to be any of the God-honoring, wholesome categories. But we’re discussing the topic of escaping the pressure of perfectionism, and that is not from the Lord! God does not put pressure on His beloved to be perfect is His eyes, for Jesus has already done that for us! This area of our identity is so important to master, for it is the biggest and strongest area in which perfectionism will attack our lives!
Simply put: if we focus all our efforts into aligning our lives to that of a specific man-made category or standard, rather than simply living out the purpose for which God intended us, then we fall prey to the sin of idolizing man’s standards over God’s. That then becomes more important to us, and we will grow more and more anxious, depressed, feeling like a failure, etc.
For example, I admitted before I really struggled with this for a good chunk of my own life! I struggled with who I was, and I was constantly seeking the approval and admiration of others for the effort I put into life. I was a teenager, struggling to fit into my group of friends, and felt like a failure because I wasn’t like the other girls. I became a wife and mother and quickly fell into the trap of feeling like I wasn’t good enough because of my ex-husband’s (and his family’s) unBiblical and impossible expectations of me.
I scoured social media and Pinterest, searching for all the tips and tricks I could find to be “that girl”, to be the trophy wife, to be the “Pinterest mom”, just all the things. It wasn’t until after my divorce, raising my kids as a single mom for 3 years, and met my now husband, that all of this finally sank in! God loves me, and He says I am ENOUGH! I am perfect in His eyes because I am washed in Christ’s blood! In the words of Matt Boswell:
Bottom line:
Our identity can be found solely in Christ if we have accepted His shed blood as payment for our sins. So, no matter what societal “category” we may naturally fall into as a result of our life choices, our identity never has to be based on those but rather on Who God sees when He looks at us.
With this mindset, we can then live in full assurance and freedom that God will always accept us, Freeing ourselves from the weight of others’ standards.
Praise the Lord for His wonderful grace and mercy! He is such a loving God Who promises to provide the comfort and care and assurance that only He truly can give! I’m so thankful for His love and provision in my life!
Next week, we will continue this thought of escaping the burden of perfectionism in regards to our friendships! You won’t want to miss it!
I would love to hear your thoughts about this! What areas do you struggle with most regarding perfectionism? Drop me a comment below!
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